Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
