So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
