they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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