so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
