I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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