my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
