My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
