Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize