im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
