All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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