puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
