You work out of a Hotel?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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