I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
