So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
