Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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