yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont even know how to be here
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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