god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I touched a dick in church today
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
