Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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