he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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