Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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