Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
