Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The power of my boobs compel you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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