when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
