two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
