guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize