i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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