I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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