I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
