I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize