I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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