Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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