well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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