You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
