I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
