All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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