The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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