did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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