Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
