She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We just shotgunned beers for America
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
