I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
