Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize