It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
