She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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