I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
