i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
