I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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