I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
