Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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