I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
