I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize