All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
