Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
