I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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