If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
