I'm eating all of the evidence.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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