it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
