Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
