im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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