I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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