sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
