First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
