I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
