I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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