Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
