This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
