There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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