Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
