69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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