Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
