i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
