I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
